“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
Working on a research project I have been interviewing young students in regard to how they feel when they have a substitute teacher. As we talk about fear, anger, frustration, and a variety of other emotions the students seemed to be surprised to find out that teachers can feel the same way.
Reading the above famous quote by Angelou, I am reminded how we can reflect upon these words and see how they are relevant to the circumstances and current events in our lives. While looking back in time, we also may remember a particular teacher and how they treated us. Why do we remember? We can still hear their words that were planted in our hearts, we can remember how they made us to feel although we may not remember why.
It is important to remember teachers may have good and bad days just as children do. Unfortunately when a teacher is having a bad day, if a student is having a hard day as well, putting the two together for an extended period of time can cause chaos in the classroom. Perhaps we were in that situation as a child and did not have the maturity to understand what it meant that a teacher could have a bad day and what impact that would have on us. When things were said and feelings were hurt, there was no giant eraser to remove the pain.
Certain emotions stay with us, even as adults, for we carry them subconsciously on a daily basis. Some on those feelings are positive and some are negative. As a heart mender specialist, I focus on getting to the heart of the matter, to find what issue is the trouble. Many painful feelings and emotions are buried deep inside and we may not even know what they are and how they got there.
Using the example of a teacher with a student, I share how easily we can be hurt and not even know when or why. It is good to discover the truth and take out the mystery of what it is that is challenging us and replace it with truth bringing peace and healing. Are you ready?
What can I do to take away the pain?
What can I say that will comfort the maimed?
Life gets so complex that it is difficult to see,
What is the heart of the matter crying to be free.
“Time heals all wounds”,
But what do we do,
When the clock stopped ticking,
And the hands no longer move?
With a broken heart, a bleeding soul,
Is it too late to make a new goal?
Oh heart mender,
Together can we go,
To the core of our being,
All the while seeing,
The bitter sweet challenges of life?
The child within, playful and bright,
Will come forth filled with awesome delight.
Then, and only then,
The heart, mind and soul,
Are ‘set free’ and
Brenda D. Ballantine M. A.
Have you ever noticed as we successfully solve one problem, another arises that is more complex? It appears with each new difficulty more issues come forth with even greater challenges. It is true, to solve any problematic situation one has to know a solution in order to find the right answer. Yet I question the motive of those who diligently taught us to believe that we have to know all the answers to be smart or successful. Who gave us the impression that the person who knows the most is smarter, better or even stronger? That belief system is not correct, it is perpetuated in the educational field and the job market. We have been programmed to believe we have to be able to “figure everything out” or we are not intelligent.
While being trained in my doctorate program as a Clinical Psychologist, I was required to purchase psychological testing kits. We were taught how to administer a variety of tests including the IQ test. Have you ever wondered what is your IQ, or heard someone say, “I wonder what is my IQ”? There are mathematical numbers assigned to measure children’s, as well as adult’s, levels of intelligence. Here is a different perspective describing intelligence. True intelligence is having an ability to sense, intuit, feel, and recognize patterns, develop relationships, connections, understand associations to events, people and circumstances. When there is disconnect between exercising our true intelligence and our subconscious, we will have cognitive dissonance. Without understanding the underlying emotions and what they are, we will experience physical and emotional stress. Working as a Heart Mender, I begin addressing issues, getting to the heart of the matter and bringing thoughts to the surface. Once they are revealed and faulty belief systems recognized, we can begin to re-frame negative thoughts and start untangling the core beliefs that are part of the problem. Using stress reduction techniques, while shedding light on the subject, substantially releases inner turmoil. Circumstances may not change at the time, yet understanding one more key to the problem will contribute and assist in the healing process.
You only have seven minutes to share what is on your heart; that’s it! If that is taken literally, what could be said in seven minutes? Perhaps one would say, “I am sorry.” Another might express their love and concerns with family members or other loved ones. Some might think it would be wiser not to convey anything. I remember a time when I watched a love one preparing to go into surgery. I didn’t know if they were going to make it or not. I only had a few moments to share what could have been the last words I would ever say. To my surprise their response was, “Well, if I don’t make it, it was nice knowing you!” Wow! Nice knowing you? That was it? I was taken back and questioned if that was the appropriate thing to say, especially since it may have been the last time we ever spoke. Here is a great example of times when we really do not know what to share. How can we actually talk about our deepest thoughts and emotions? Should we wait until we only have a few minutes, or find ourselves in a life or death situation?
I don’t think we should. It can be difficult to talk about things other than the weather. Knowing this reality, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”, we may all say things we regret sooner or later. Fueled with passion, fear, sorrow or pain, we can become judgmental and create hidden resentments in our hearts. I realize what may be in my heart, good or bad, may not be the same emotion experienced by another. I understand different dynamics come in to play in relationships and communication. Now as I embrace the work of a Heart Mender I also understand healing takes place as we get to the heart of the matter, addressing issues that created pain in the first place. Many times our awareness of those issues are buried in the subconscious due to the painful circumstances experienced in the past. With a broken heart and other multifaceted challenges, protective walls are erected, masks applied, and pretenses performed for all to see.
The good news is that in a mere seven minutes, love can tear down those walls, masks can be removed, healing can take place and relationships can be restored. Time is an amazing gift. For some it is said, “Time heals all wounds.” In addition, I proclaim there are moments when giving someone precious time just to listen, time to reflect, time to be real, and time to heal, can be the most amazing and awesome gift we can ever give to each other, even if it is only seven minutes.